Every Woman Needs a Wife Read online

  “You know, Tanya, I’ve heard women say all the time that they need a wife; now’s my chance to pull it off” Brandi said, thoughtfully. “And if you’re game, I’d love to teach Vernon a lesson he’ll never forget.”

  “Count me in,” Tanya said with a wide grin. “I’m good with the ‘every-woman-needs-a-wife’ syndrome. Do you know what you’re in for?”

  Tanya studied her hands for a moment. “I can cook, clean, organize, and I already know the girls.” Then she looked up, locking her bright blue gaze on Brandi. “And I’m hoping that on some levels that you’re a better man for anything that doesn’t require a dick.”

  “Well, thanks to recent developments,” Brandi said, dryly. “I’ve got one of those under the bed.”

  This might prove interesting. If Tanya became her wife instead of Vernon’s, it would be the best form of revenge. He would never live it down—at least not until well after Brandi had rammed the point home. Bend over and oil up, baby! This was going to be a mofo!

  Fueled by anger that hadn’t really gone away, Brandi extended her hand to Tanya. “Wife it is. Go get your stuff.”

  Tanya shook the hand firmly, then turned, ran to her car, pulled out a few of her bags, and followed Brandi into the house. Brandi gestured toward the foyer closet, and her new “wife” parked her items inside.

  Strolling across the room to the turntables, Brandi fumbled, trying to locate the volume. She picked up the microphone, waiting for the piercing whine to subside before saying, “May I have your attention, please.”

  All heads slowly turned in her direction. Tanya stood in the doorway, looking every bit the victorious woman instead of the spurned lover she had become during the confrontation at her house earlier.

  Vernon sprang to life, jumping from the chair to stare at Tanya. The men followed his gaze, some admiring the new view, others with dropped jaws. The room went still as everyone stared at the only white woman in the room. Brandi gestured for her new “wife” to come stand beside her.

  She grasped Tanya’s hand, holding it up in triumph. “People, there’s someone I’d like you to meet. My new ‘wife.’”

  Murmurs erupted from every corner of the house.

  Vernon’s father almost burst a stitch in his black suit as he yelled, “What!!!!”

  But one voice carried over everyone else’s. “See, I told you she was bisexual.”

  Avie whirled to face Vernon’s friend Craig, who scooted back as the lawyer reared up like a racehorse ready to trample over him to the finish line. “What did you say, Negro.”

  “Nothing,” he mumbled weakly.

  She lowered the dinner plate. “That’s what I thought you said.”

  Alanna, Craig’s wife, crossed the room and punched her husband in the arm. The man’s light skin turned a gray color that matched his outfit. He retreated from his wife’s blow, patting his short-cropped hair back into place.

  Brandi’s gaze returned to her guests, who were obviously waiting to see what came next. She felt a little disconnected, somewhere between dreaming and waking. How much did she want to tell their family and friends?

  “Brandi, I will kill you!” Vernon growled. Craig and Jeremy held him back, flailing arms and all. A fist connected with Jeremy’s face. Jeremy, whose light brown skin was a perfect combination of his Black and Mexican heritages, ran a thick hand through his wavy hair as he cracked his neck to one side. Then he straightened his shirt, growling, “Chill out, man. ‘Cause if you hit me one more time, I’m gonna whip your ass before Donny gets a chance.”

  Brandi stepped forward, pulling Tanya along with her. “My husband took the liberty of bringing this wonderful woman into our lives. And I can respect that. This is his mistress.”

  Tanya held her head high, shaking her curls out about her shoulders as more than sixty pairs of eyes bore into her.

  Brandi’s gaze rested briefly on each person, absorbing the shocked expressions with glee. “And, just like the Godfather, I’ve made her an offer she can’t refuse.” She patted the woman’s hand gently, almost lovingly. “She’s going to live here with us,” she said, breaking into a satisfied smile, “as someone who keeps the home end of things together for me—sort of like a wife—my wife. That way I can get something out of the deal other than hard work on my part and a little slippery action between the sheets on his. Way to go, Vernon. I love you!”

  Quiet settled around them as necks craned back and forth as though a tennis match had unfolded right there in the living room.

  “I told you not to marry that crazy bitch,” William bellowed, startling everyone with his pure angry baritone.

  “Who are you calling a bitch?” Brandi’s mother demanded, nearly dropping her plate as she whirled to face the heavyset, bearded, bald-headed man. “Call her that again and I’ll beat the cow-walking bullshit out of your plump behind.”

  “Your daughter’s the one who needs a beating,” he shot back. Size-two Julie—the toy of the week—placed a hand on his upper arm. He shrugged her off, “Bringing this foolishness in my son’s house.”

  “It’s my daughter’s house, too, you idiot!” Brandi’s mother shrieked back. “And she has every right to invite who she wants. At least she’s not sneaking around like your tired ass. I bet Bettye got the best of your tail on that one. Almost a quarter million per year. I bet you take hefty swigs of Pepto after writing those checks!”

  William’s face turned from a bright red to an angry green. “What? You and your crazy-ass daughter need to get the hell out of here before I—”

  “Pop a button?” she asked, with her hands folded across her small breasts. “Don’t see you trying to rein in that stud son of yours. Probably serving it up like Sunday brunch and can’t appreciate a good thing when he has it—just like you.”

  Bettye choked trying to swallow her drink in one gulp. Without looking around, Avie patted the woman gently on the back, but didn’t bother to shut her own mouth, which had fallen open and stayed there as she watched the circus.

  Brandi slid in between her mother and Vernon’s father. “Everyone, please. No need for alarm. Just treat Tanya with the respect and courtesy reserved for family.” Then Brandi paused, her lips forming a faint, bitter smile, adding, “Come to think of it, y’all don’t treat family too well. So, I’d better say it simply—be nice.”

  Vernon’s father growled, “You’ve lost your damn mind.”

  “Not at all,” she told him in her sweetest voice. “I think I’ve found it,” she said, noticing that the light in Vernon’s eyes had suddenly dimmed. She extended an arm to her wife. “Right this way, Tanya, you missed that wonderful dinner at your house. I’m sure you’re starving by now.”

  Tanya looped her arm in Brandi’s and strolled to the buffet table, gingerly picking up a plate before scanning the spread. She piled on the red beans and rice, macaroni and cheese, glazed turkey ham, corn bread and candied sweets, passed over the pasta salads, watercress sandwiches, beef Stroganoff, and scones, then scooped up a few spoonfuls of peach cobbler.

  “You sure you’re not Black?” Brandi asked, chuckling deeply as she noticed all the food landing on the woman’s plate.

  A wide grin lit up Tanya’s face. “Shake anyone’s family tree hard enough, there’ll be a few dark leaves that fall out. Same goes the other way around.”

  Brandi watched her mother and William still going at it. “People are gonna trip. Are you gonna be okay with this?”

  “Did you see the look on Vernon’s face?”

  Brandi shook her head. “I was too busy watching Daddy Dearest have a conniption.”

  “Yeah, he did seem overbearing when I met him last month.”

  Brandi’s eyes narrowed at the man. “His father knew?”

  Tanya nodded. “So did those two meatheads standing over there.” Brandi followed her gaze to Craig and Jeremy. “The only people who weren’t in on the full deal were me and you.”

  “Wait until I tell Lissette and Alanna. They’re gonna kill th
em!”

  Tanya took a hearty bite of corn bread. “If you had seen Vernon clamp down and bite his tongue, you’d realize that you’re getting more mileage out of this than simply shock value.” She held up her plate. “Hey, no turnips?”

  Brandi shook her head absently, looking at the people gathered around a somewhat repentant Vernon, relishing her moment of victory. “I would never have expected to find you at my front door.”

  “And I would never have expected you to take him down like you did earlier.” She grinned, making her even more beautiful. “A woman that can think on her feet like that is definitely the type of person I could learn from.”

  Brandi paused a minute to take that in. “Well, gotta make the rounds,” she said with a weary sigh. “You hold up your end of the house and I’ll hold up mine.”

  “Nice spread,” Tanya called after her.

  Brandi whirled back, saying, “Not as nice as yours.”

  “Touché,” she said, balancing her overflowing plate to reach into her pocket. “Here’s the key to my—his—um—your house.”

  Brandi looked at the little cold silver key that Tanya dropped in the palm of her hand and smiled. “On second thought… Tanya, I need you to make a phone call.” Then she leaned over, whispering a set of instructions.

  Tanya paused for a second or two, listening attentively, then laughed, plate still in hand, and headed to the phone to carry out the plan—given to her by her new “husband.”

  “Honey, you’ve had too much to drink.”

  Brandi turned, taking in the wonderfully warm and gentle face of her mother. “That’s not it, Mama. I’ve only had one. Two, counting the one I had at Tanya’s earlier. This is something that needed to be done.”

  “Baby, I know you’re angry, but this isn’t the way.” In a warm flash, the normal expressive lines returned to Mama’s oval-shaped face. The mocha skin had only a few wrinkles to show her age, her pink-and-brown pantsuit gave her the appearance of being younger than her sixty-five years. Her wide, bright smile and warm eyes were the things that most pulled people to her. “Having that white woman in your house with your husband and your kids is not the way.”

  Donny, with one headphone to his ear, eased the crowd into a moderate rhythm, but occasionally glanced over at his mother and sister.

  “No, Mama, it’s a new day and I’m making sure that the rules suit me,” Brandi said, with a trace of a sad smile. “He didn’t consult me about bringing her into our marriage, but it affects my life, my children, and my money. So why not do it this way?” Dancers had made their way back to the center floor. “Now he can’t hide anymore and I get something out of the deal.”

  Donny eased up beside Brandi, whispering, “You want me to beat his ass?” The short, medium-built man eyed Vernon warily. “You know I’ll beat his ass for ya.”

  Mama reached around Brandi and popped him upside the head as Brandi laughed, knowing he would do just that. “No, don’t put your hands on him.”

  Her brother’s face drooped with disappointment.

  Brandi gave his hand a gentle pat, gracing him with a forced smile. “Maybe next time he screws up.”

  “Better not be a next time,” he grumbled, squaring his shoulders as though preparing for a heavyweight bout.

  Brandi reached out, pulling him into a warm hug. “I love you, big brother.”

  “Still think you’re crazy,” he said over his shoulder, then watched Tanya, who had leaned over on the counter to make the call. The powder blue miniskirt had ridden a little higher on her thighs, exposing the beginning of her ivory cheeks. The men near Vernon couldn’t take their eyes off her. Even Vernon’s dad kept giving her a few glances and received a glare from Julie.

  Avie sidled up to Brandi. “Why didn’t you talk to me before doing this?”

  Brandi shrugged. “It just happened.”

  “How can bringing the mistress here serve a purpose?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll get back to you on that.” She turned to her friend. “And for the record, I didn’t bring her here; she just showed up with his wallet and I had a bright idea and went with it.”

  “What happened to make her think she could come here in the first place?”

  Brandi thought about that a moment. “I walked in on her and Vernon and laid my cards on the table. Vernon folded and went home. Tanya picked up her hand and played the big joker.”

  “No shit!”

  Brandi laughed. “And that’s what I call playing the game.”

  Craig and Jeremy gathered around Vernon like he was a wounded dog. Their wives glowered at them from across the room. Somehow, Brandi didn’t think Vernon’s friends would have a pleasant evening when they got home.

  “And from the looks of things,” Brandi said softly, “I still have the best hand.”

  Avie followed Brandi’s gaze across the room. “Looks like the testosterone crew’s rallying behind Chief Sperm-a-lot.”

  “Yeah, well, he really needed them at her house.”

  For some reason her friend didn’t crack a smile. “Brandi, you know you’re my girl and all,” Avie said, eyeing the mistress warily. “But what the hell have you been smoking?”

  “Forget you!”

  “She looks like an Amazon warrior. She could’ve tackled your ass right there in her living room.”

  “She was too shocked to do anything.” Brandi raised a hand to her temple, trying to rub away the beginnings of a headache. “Vernon lied to her, too. He’d even taken the girls over to her place a few times. Ain’t that a bitch?”

  The lawyer took a few seconds to absorb that piece of information, then turned back to watch the crowd. “Why didn’t you tell me you were going to show up at her house?”

  “For the same reason you’re shitting a kitten right now.”

  Avie grimaced. “I would’ve talked some sense into your silly little head.”

  “I didn’t need sense, I needed justice.”

  The elder Spencer loomed over Vernon’s sulking form, arms flailing about like a choir director. “Look at the way my husband’s getting reamed. I got mine, baby.” Brandi gestured sharply to Tanya, who waved to Brandi from across the room. Brandi gave her a small Miss America wave. “Look at her, soaking it up like she came up with the idea. I couldn’t have done this better if I had planned it from the beginning.”

  “So now what?” Avie’s tone was dry.

  “What do you mean?”

  Avie’s thinly arched eyebrows shot up. “She’s leaving when the party’s over, right?”

  “No, dear, she stays,” Brandi said, shaking her head. “He had her all to himself for six months. I deserve at least that.” Brandi winked as Tanya twirled the phone in her thin fingers, carrying out her first duty as a wife. “No, Avie, the woman makes it up to me. She took time away from my children, she took time away from me. She’s going to redeem herself for those six months. ’Cause somewhere in the back of her mind she knew he was lying just like I did. For every time I had to settle for less than Vernon’s best, she owes me.”

  Tanya gave her a thumbs-up as she hung up the phone.

  Brandi smiled back, returning the gesture, saying, “So as Polaroid says, let’s see what develops.”

  CHAPTER Nine

  Vernon dashed over the moment Avie vacated the spot next to Brandi. “Can I see you upstairs in the bedroom?”

  Brandi turned, facing him. His shirt was unbuttoned, jacket ruffled, and his hair could use a comb. He looked annoyed, probably more with himself than anyone. “Why? Nothing’s been going on out here that can’t stay down here.”

  Yanking her by the arm, he dragged her backward up the first six stairs, growling, “Woman, get your ass in this room.”

  She shrugged him off, leveling a steely gaze on him. “Put your hands on me again and Donny locking you in the trunk will look like child’s play. He already asked to give you a half-order of butt whipping tonight, I’ll tell him you want a full one. He does deliver…” She followed h
im into the bedroom.

  Vernon ignored her warning, growling, “What the hell are you doing, bringing that bitch in our house?”

  Brandi pulled herself up to meet his gaze, snapping, “Oh, so noooooow she’s a bitch? She wasn’t a bitch three hours ago when you were lounging on her couch with a drink in your hand. She wasn’t a bitch when she was giving your dick a hallelujah handshake. She wasn’t a bitch when you paid her mortgage, her bills, and for that damn car.” Brandi glowered at him, poking a finger in his massive chest. “I don’t even drive a damn Lexus! So don’t ask me what I’m doing! I’m picking up where you left off—”

  “My family’s out there,” he said, pointing to the door. “Your family’s out there. You bring this stranger into our home and—”

  “You brought her in,” she shot back, maneuvering toward the bed. “I’m just making sure she’s all the way in. Every time you slept with her, I slept with her. Every moment you spent away from your family to be with her, she was cutting into my time. Time I bought and paid for when I married your tired ass.” Brandi plopped down on the edge of the bed. “Now, I’m saving you the trouble of having to maintain two households. And I’m putting everything out in the open.” She stretched out languidly on the cream down comforter. “You’ve had a mistress and now I’ll have a wife. Hopefully, a better wife than you were a husband.”

  “I won’t have her staying here—”

  One eyebrow shot up. “You don’t have a choice.”

  Vernon rocked on the balls of his feet. “So if I don’t go along with this asinine plan, what’s next?”

  “That’s on you,” she said, shrugging. “If you’re not willing to share your mistress, we can split everything down the middle fifty-fifty.” She sat up, rubbing her sweaty palms across her thighs. “I’ll take my clients and you’ll keep yours. It’s what I’ve wanted since Simone was born.”

  “I’m not giving up what I’ve busted my ass to build.”

  “You should’ve thought about that before Mr. Slippery took a swim in Mistress Lake,” she replied. “Now I’m rowing the boat and it’s nothing but upstream for you, Mister Spencer.” Crossing the few feet between them, she planted a single hand on his chest, whispering, “There’s not a judge on this planet who won’t give me exactly what I deserve after listening to that tape. Avie’s ready to take a bite out of you so deep, she’ll hit bone before she lets go. Can you say…ouch!”